I have this friend and his name is Daniel but I call him Dan for short. He insists I write here. So, knowing his advice has worked in the past, I'm giving it a shot. What do I have to lose, right?
It's been one of those days where all that enters your mind is a fantacy world where there's unquenchable peace and stillness all others seem to grasp and all you can do is observe. "Just breathe," I say. In. . . and out. In. . . and out. "It's gonna be OK. It has to be OK."
*Sigh of relief.
It breaks my heart to see the love and grace of a King. My king. My Father. I don't know that I've consciously experienced unhindered grace in my physical life- but, I know it's there. I thank God for his grace. Jesus.
"Where can I go? Where can I run from you?
You're everywhere.
You know my thoughts.
You see my sin and still you come to me."
I'm speechless.
I can't help but feel overwhelmingly worthless as I feel the weight of my sins- literally... what feels like a 20lb weight on my chest. It ached as a I realized its presence. It still aches. It probably always will as God reveals it more and more- and thats OK. The wieght is unquenchable. I can't grasp it. All I can do is wait and observe the grace of God at work with it. With me.
And through it all- the heart-ache, overwhelming freedom of grace and all the songs He sings to me... God- the God of ALL the universe- my Father- He still loves me. He paints the sky for me to see. He knows that's my favorite part of my day... to see his handy-work and artistic skill. I love the skies. Nothing compares to the joy I feel when I see the sky. I love looking towards the heavens that He created and designed... Sometimes I just stand and absorb it all because he- my Father- painted it all- his grace, my life, the skies-he painted them all with me in mind.
When I listen, He whispers, "Breathe Tara. Breathe."
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